Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Another reason beauty pageants suck... and a checklist for those who aspire to pageantry greatness


I am glad The Donald allowed Carrie Prejean to retain her Miss California crown despite her bad judgement as a 17 year old posing in panties. The photos weren't *that bad* for that Kim Kardashian world we are living in. I also think it's safe to assume many women like Prejean, who desperately seek careers in modeling or acting, have some juicy photos or videos from the past.


But, I'm more glad The Donald addressed Prejean's scandalous answer to the gay marriage question, a question I feel never should have been asked in the first place. Perez Hilton has used the pageant as a platform for his cause and Prejean has been the punching bag. If he and the rest of the world weren't willing to accept both possible answers, he should have asked something less controversial.

She could have dodged the bullet with a non-answer. She could could have given into the pressure of knowing the media would fillet her the next day. Instead, she spoke honestly, directly, and politely:


"I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other ... same sex marriage or opposite marriage," then added, "I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman ... that's how I was raised."



Hilton told Larry King Live that her answer didn't cost her the crown, but "a candidate for Miss USA should have offered more inclusive answers."Ironically, Hilton's definition of "inclusive answer" excludes the fundamental belief that marriage should be only between one man and one woman.


For all the hell that's been raised about Prejean in the media, you would think she had been on a gay-bashing rampage. Interestingly, 54 percent of Americans agree with her stance, according to a recent CNN poll. Even President Obama has said this is his belief.

As if beauty pageants were bad enough for objectifying women and perpetuating physical standards of beauty that are unrealistic for the average woman, now the meat parades are not subject to the First Amendment. Well, unless you want to be a punching bag.

Still, some girls dream of being in the meat circus. To each her own. For the beautiful and aspiring among us, I have devised a check list:



  • Grow to at least 5'8"

  • Lose 25 lbs

  • Take nudie pics

  • Sing, dance or twirl a baton

  • Get boob job

  • Lose 5 more lbs

  • Sew mouth shut

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